We live in a world where a bare busom can “break the internet” and in order to “see” models you don’t have to buy a magazine – It’s at the tip of your fingers – scrolling down on your Facebook/Twitter/Instagram feed. We live in a world where just about everything can be accessed instantly by the click of a button. Men and women automatically know how to describe the “perfect” body. Instant gratification seems to be of the utmost importance and maybe it’s also the reason why you came across this post – you want to gain confidence in just 10 days. Well, my love, read on because I really wanted your attention.
This blog is my safe space. It’s the place where I can be as brutally honest with myself and share that honesty with others. Some might not call me an “expert” on these topics, but I am here to offer my experiences and hopefully, offer a good tip or two in the process.
This post came from so many conversations I’ve had in the past few weeks and thoughts I’ve always pondered over for years.
Self-esteem & true confidence.
Simple words that have an insane amount of meaning. Now, if I were to ask you to describe yourself as having low or high esteem, which word would you choose?
I haven’t always been 100% comfortable in my own skin. It has taken a lot of time and a lot of self reflection to accept and LOVE the person I am, flaws and all. My body, my weight, my hair all have changed over the years and they continue to change. My jean size has always fluctuated but I’ve never been a size 1 or 2.. I’m a pretty curvy girl especially in regards to my height. If we are being technical, I’ve been told by the doctors that I was “overweight” in proportion to my height and I made sure to take that serious.
Let me take you back to an experience I had in High School when my body really began changing. It was a time when I was gaining a lot of weight, especially around my hips and waist. I was made fun of and told that I had to lose weight because I was going to become “too voluptuous”. My big lips were always the topic of conversation and my short height was always on display. I remember crying one day to my mother about all of this, and I will never forget what she told me. She said that when she was my age, she was ridiculed in El Salvador for being too skinny. I could not believe it. As my mother informed me, a size 0 wasn’t something to be proud of in my culture (Latin American), but when she came to the United States, it was the complete opposite. She thought about how American culture glorifies the skinny girl and diminishes the curvy girl. She proceeded to tell me that depending on where I would go and who was looking at me, I might be too big or too small for their liking but reminded me that this shouldn’t ever matter. What should NEVER happen, my mother said, was the part where you actual believe that what they’re saying about you is your truth.
It took me a while to realize the honesty behind what my mother told me when I was younger. Depending on who was looking at me, they might think I was TOO much of something. She’s too skinny, she’s too curvy, she’s too short, she’s too feminine, too tomboyish.
This helped me come to one of the biggest revelations that I live by: I have the power to define what being beautiful means. To me, there is no such thing as being too much of anything, I just am. My duty to myself is to aim to be the healthiest version of myself and truly love every inch and every curve.
Being healthy and completely loving & accepting yourself just as you are, is how I define true confidence.
My advice to everyone regardless of age and size is this: love yourself. Truly love yourself. We all have something special about us–even incredible, unknown talents. Use them for good.
Need some tips on how to begin gaining more confidence? Read these quick 5 tips I recommend you start doing today.
Smile more. No one, and I mean NO ONE, has the same smile as you. Go ahead, smile at the mirror, girl. Show yourself that when no one is looking, the person starring back at you in the mirror is happy and feels that way too.
Stop COMPARING yourself to celebrities, friends, complete strangers, humans, aliens etc. Just stop it. Guess what? You and the person you are comparing yourself to weren’t meant to be the same. You both have gifts, talents, and qualities that make you just that, you.
Embrace your imperfections. Know thyself. When I finally realized how perfectly imperfect I was, the way I viewed beauty completely changed. Don’t let people dictate who you are or how you should feel about yourself. IN MY EXPERIENCE: When someone tries to bring me down for, let’s say, my height (i’m a short gal), I take no offense because I’m completely accepting of my height. I’d rather make a witty remark to show that person it doesn’t bother me. When people say I’m short in a negative conation, I tell them “I think God just wanted me to have a lot of hair.”
- Try new things. Try that new hairstyle or fashion trend you want to. Sometimes pushing our comfort zones we learn new things about ourself and bodies. I did a boudoir shoot and it unexpectedly made me feel that much more comfortable in my own skin.
Last but not least, stay humble, my friends. This world is filled with a lot of people who believe they are walking gods and that their looks or bodies should be worshipped (especially on Instagram/social media). I assure you, being grateful and humble will definitely go a longer way than being boastful and conceited. God has given you the beauty and talents so that you can be the best version of yourself!
Don’t forget what Queen Bey said: “Always stay gracious, best revenge is your paper.”
My special advice to younger girls is this: when it comes to the pressure some girls feel about guys and finding “the one”, the right person for you will absolutely love everything about you, flaws and all. I can honestly say, that not every guy wants that “perfect” 5’11 size 2 with C or DD cups and the roundest, perkiest perfect busom type of girl because I wouldn’t be with my guy if that was the case (I’m short and a member of the itty bitty committee). Just like we have this idea of what perfect is, a guy’s idea of perfect could be [insert your name here]. You my darling, are FLAWLESS***
Confidence is something that I feel I work on every day and it’s those small things we do every day that lead us to be the best version of ourselves.
This post is dedicated to two special teenage girls whom I love very much – Lynae and Dayana. You girls are growing up in an era where the internet is so in your face about defining how you should look and act but you both are the epitome of beautiful and I hope you never forget that. <3